Who’s your best friend?

Reading text and exercise (answer the questions)

Teenagers and parents

Reading text and exercise (complete the interview)

The butterfly

An Au Pair in England

Use the words from the box to fill in the gaps.

A Letter from an English Family to a Danish Girl

To Change Roles

Fill in the missing words.

Man overheard talking to a friend, "I’m locked in a major custody battle. My wife doesn’t want me, and my mother won’t take me back."

Two friends were discussing their family histories when one of them lamented that he knew little about his roots. "I've always wanted to have my family history traced, "he said, "but I can’t afford to hire someone. Any suggestions?"
"Sure," replied his friend. "Run for public office."

While watching my six-year-old daughter play with her cars and trucks, I was priding myself on having raised her to play outside the confines of the gender restrictions that had always frustrated me as a child. Beaming, I asked her about the game.
"Well, "she answered innocently, "the big truck is the daddy, this car is the mommy, and the little car is the baby."

Lights out

When their daughter Susan  and her fiance Jim set their wedding date, John and Mary decided to give them a night at an elegant hotel before they departed for their honeymoon. Mary called the reservation desk at the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco to inquire about rates. The clerk suggested she might be interested in the Honeymoon Package. She listed what was included and quoted her a price.
Mary relayed the information to her husband, who was standing nearby. He nodded, so she told the clerk they would like to book the Honeymoon Package.
She listened carefully, then replied,” Will that be for one person or two?”

Frustrated at always being corrected by her husband, Jane decided the next time it happened she would have a comeback. That moment finally arrived, and she was ready.
“You know, “she challenged, ”even a broken clock is right once a day.”
Her husband looked at her and replied, ”Twice.”

For a while Fran and her husband had opposite schedules. He worked during the day and she worked at night.
One morning she noticed he left a note to himself on the kitchen counter that said ”STAMPS” in large letters. As a helpful surprise, I bought him some at the post office and put them on the counter before going to work.
The next morning she found the same note. “STAMPS” was crossed out. Underneath he had written, “ONE MILLION DOLLARS”.

After Lilly completed a frantic afternoon of chores, she walked into the living room to find her husband reclining in his chair. He was looking bemusedly at our new puppy, who was napping. “If I wanted to look at something lying around sleeping all day,” he complained,” I would have bought a cat.”
“Or you could have just bought a mirror,” Lilly said.

An out-of-town fellow pilot missed a turn to his gate at La-Guardia Airport in New York, a harmless mistake that nonetheless ruffles the feathers of the ground controllers. One of the controllers hollered through the radio, “Where do you think you’re going?” She followed with a torrent of harshly worded instructions.
Then came a third voice. “Hey,” an unidentified pilot remarked, “wasn’t I married to you once?”

From a wedding announcement

Given in marriage by her father, the bride approached the altar in a white, off-the-shoulder gown with tool skirt.

From a wedding announcement

The bride was given away by her father wearing her mother’s veil.

Phil and his wife stopped by her father’s house on the way to a friend’s funeral. During the visit, Phil spoke about the man who had died, saying, “You know, I had a feeling I should have called him last week, but I didn’t. The next time I have the feeling, I’m going to do it.”
Later his father-in-law saw them to the door. As they said their goodbyes, he muttered to Phil, “And don’t call me.”

Sweet Things

Actor Mel Gibson on what women want, ”After about twenty years of marriage, I’m finally starting to scratch the surface of that one. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate.”

Sue passed away, so her husband, Bubba, called 911. The operator said they’d send someone right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator.
Bubba replied, ”At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”
The operator asked,” Can you spell that name?”

There was a long pause. Finally Bubba said, “ How ‘bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Husband to wife, ”I’m feeling so depressed today.”
Wife, ”Why, honey?”
Husband, ”It’s just that sometimes I feel so alone and useless.”
Wife, ”Oh, you don’t have to feel so alone. A lot of people think you’re useless.”

Big Chill

A friend and his wife were considering travelling to Alaska-  a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose and drive a dog team instead of a car. “If we decided to live there permanently, away from civilisation, what would you miss the most?” he asked his wife.
“You, “ she replied.

While I was a clerk in a store, a regular customer came to my counter and started writing a check for her purchases.
“This is the last check you’ll see of mine with the name Olsen,” she announced happily. “My new checks will have the name Harrington.”
“My congratulations to the lucky man!” I replied.
In a less cheerful voice, she said, “Harrington is my maiden name. I’m getting a divorce.”

Browns’ son recently married a Chinese girl. During the reception, Chinese and American guests proposed toasts. As someone translated, my sister-in-law said,” Good health, good fortune. Go and multiply.”
I couldn’t help noticing that some of the guests looked confused.
We found later that this had been translated as, “ Good health, good fortune. Go and do maths.”

Why dogs are better than kids
·        It doesn’t take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go out.
·        Dogs cannot lie.
·        Dogs never resist nap time.
·        You don’t need to get extra phone lines for a dog.
·        Dogs don’t pester you about getting a kid.
·        Dogs don’t care if peas have been touched by the mashed potatoes.
·        Average cost of sending a dog to school: $42. Average cost of sending your kid:£103,000.
·        Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12 weeks old.
·        Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public.
·        If you dog is a bad seed, your genes cannot be blamed.

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we’ve set aside enough money for our kid'’ therapy.

/Michelle Pfeiffer/

“Honey, would you like a jaguar for your birthday?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“How about a mink coat?”
“No, thanks.”
“How about a diamond necklace?”
“No. What I really want is a divorce.”
“Oh, I wasn’t planning on spending THAT much.”

I was in my wills and trusts course when the professor posed this question to the students: Why do people choose to have their children, rather than their siblings, inherit their estate?
After students offered various theories, one fellow raised his hand. “This may be a bit off point,” he said. “But when I was little, when my brother and sister were finishing playing with me, they would put me in a drawer.”

Judgement Call

I want to die before my wife and the reason is this : If it true that when you die your soul goes up to judgement, I don’t want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things.

Adam came home in the wee hours of the morning, and Eve was suspicious. “Is there someone else?” she demanded.
“Of course not, darling,” Adam reasoned with her. “In all of creation, there’s no other woman but you.”
Mollified, Eve snuggled up to him. But after he fell asleep, she very carefully counted his ribs.

Joel was tired of hearing about his sister’s upcoming wedding. The while thing bored him, and the final straw came when the family began discussing the rehearsal dinner. “That does it!” he exclaimed. “Now you’ve all really gone overboard!”
His mother explained that every wedding party had to rehearse the ceremony. “Oh,” Joel said quietly. “I thought we had to rehearse how to eat.”

A friend, Linda, and her sister were driving in the procession to the cemetery for a distant relative’s funeral. “Since we really don’t know anybody, do you want to just head home?” she asked.
When her sister nodded, Linda made a right turn.
She had got about a quarter of a mile down the road when she happened to look in her mirror. The rest of the procession was still following her.